It's just so hard to live with him. I think of the choices that I will make. Will I forgive him? Will I ever learn to love him again? I'm in confusion. Every girl dreams of it. Every girl wants it. I be become jealous because I see other people who has it. But to me, I don't have it. I am full of jealousy. Envy. I don't know what to do. Will I be able to forgive and leave all this behind me? I am with trouble. Sadness...who am I to kid that everything is ok. I'm lying to myself. I am just foooling who I am. What I am. I only have God that I lean on. I only have him that I call a father. A brother. A family. I don't get it. Not at all. I try to keep up the smile and hide all else away. But I can't. I will fall and crumble. Shatter to pieces I will go...